I had my first kiss at fifteen with a nervy, quiet boy called Tim. He was every 2000s era Schoolgirl’s dream; mousy hair waxed into spikes, weather resistant sports clothes even when the occasion didn’t call for it. He was bathed in a constant mist of Lynx Chocolate that could charm the Bench jacket off you. As he leaned in twitchily, I basically went for it. All my prior knowledge about kissing had come from Hollywood film endings where the actor’s faces basically melt into each other. My education in tonsil tennis was a purely visual one. I hadn’t given much thought to the actual mechanics of planting a smacker.
And so I released the full pelt of my significant qualifications in rom com etiquette with the slightly terrifying force of years of pent up adolescent frustration. There was teeth clinking, there was strings of saliva. I shoved my tongue so far down his throat that I actually heard him gag. The color literally drained from his face that I had quite frankly more or less devoured. I was hurriedly and awkwardly dumped not too long afterwards.
The moral of the story is that kissing, no matter what your age, is important and to have confidence in your kissing technique is very empowering. Kissing can make or break a relationship. It can help you gage whether you like or love or just feel pretty blah about a person. The squillions of nerve endings in your lips also means that it can also be pretty damn sexy when done right.
- Preparation. Your mouth and lips are one of the most sensual areas of your body and yet they are so often neglected. Make sure that your lips are super smooth and moisturised. Most importantly, spend time on those pearly whites. Find the right mouthwash, toothpaste and toothbrush for you and I cannot nag you enough to make sure to floss! For extra confidence always keep a sly packet of mints handy.
- What to do with those eyes. To gaze into each others eyes meaningfully or to keep em closed and just go for it? This is one of the age old dilemmas. However, the majority of experts would recommend maintaining at least some eye contact during the smooching session in order to increase feelings of intimacy. If you aren’t comfortable with continuously maintaining eye contact, try out the whole “pull away, deep gaze, dive in again and repeat” technique for true butterfly house in the tummy sensations.
- Lips. Its tempting to go straight into the full on frenchy but sometimes the build up can make the eventual fireworks all the more exquisite. Try smaller closed mouth kisses or “pecks” dotted across the cheekbones for a teasing effect before moving towards the open mouth on mouth kiss.
- Words. Good communication is key with any sexual act and whispering sexy sweet nothings into the ear of the other person can drive them wild in done correctly. If you are stuck on what to say then top kissing gurus recommend positive, complimentary things such as “your so beautiful” and “I never want to stop kissing you”. Of course, cater this to the right situation whether the kiss be with the love of your life or a one night stand.
- Nibbling. This is a tricky one to get right and becomes easier once you get to know somebody as different pressures suit different people. Start of gentle, with a minimum tooth pressure on each others lips. Also try out lightly nibbling each others earlobes. Earlobes are deceptive little danglers: super receptive with the ability to send your whole body tingling. The neck is also a prime set for soft, sensual nibbling. Also don’t ever underestimate nibbling’s partner in crime: light sucking.
- Don’t get tongue tied. Ah the age old question of what to do with that tongue. The tongue sits dormant and lonely all day in your mouth so its no wonder that it can get a bit flustered when it finally gets to take centre stage. Don’t just lie your tongue flatly in their mouth. Twist your tongue gently around theirs; run it softly over their teeth and the roof of their mouth. Also, don’t keep it stiff and rigid; relax your tongue and use it to massage the inside of their mouth. Experiment outside of the mouth with running your tongue slowly around the rim of an ear.
- Hands. There’s some heated debate over this one. Some kissing experts argue that the best way is to keep your hands to yourself as too much hand based touching can detract from the powerful sensuality of the lips. Personally, I naturally find myself going straight for the old hair tug and ruffle, which is a pretty common tendency. Leaving your hands limply by your sides can feel a little awkward, so a good way to begin hand movements if you are unsure is to gently stroke the lower back of the other person and take it from there depending on mutual body language.
Above all however, listen to your intuitions and do what comes naturally. Each kiss is unique so don’t be afraid to experiment.